And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessmen slowly get stoned
Yes, they’re sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it’s better than drinkin’ alone
Billy Joel, Piano Man
I wrote an entry in my grief journal a couple of weeks ago, describing my experiences and thoughts on traveling alone. I’ve been thinking about that since then and decided to expand a bit on the topic, and post it in the blog this time around.
I have recently read through a few other blogs about traveling solo, and for the most part, the authors are doing this as a life-style choice, not as the result of the loss of their spouse. These blogs are chock full of interesting travel stories, tips on places to go as a single – all happy stories about fulfilling dreams of traveling the world with the freedom of being unencumbered with jobs or relationships. Life is good – you can do what you want, go where you want, and make new friends if you want. Freedom is the key word.
Solo traveling for widowers is a different ballgame – it is not a choice, but more of a necessity for surviving a world turned upside down. Once you get through the initial shock of losing your spouse, you are faced with the enormous challenge of learning to live life as one, not as a couple. Travel beckons as an escape, a means of finding some direction in what has suddenly become an empty life. It is a poor substitute for a vibrant life filled with the joy of sharing new experiences with your partner, and for introverts like myself, it requires some significant personality changes. And then there is the dreaded “can I join you” moment at meals onboard a cruise ship.
may I join you for dinner?
But for me at least, I enjoy the new experiences and adventures, which fill some of that void. Do I feel a sense of freedom going it alone? No, not at all and doubt if I ever will. I’d prefer to have my soul mate with me. But sometimes, as I did this last trip to Alaska, I find moments of incredible peace and tranquility, sitting by myself and taking in the incredible beauty surrounding me. Those moments make it all worthwhile.
On a related and more positive note, there was an article in the Washington Post today about travel companies finally starting to encourage solo travelers. It’s about time! With the exception of Road Scholars, most every travel/expedition company adds a single traveler “surcharge” or penalty which in most cases, can be many thousands of dollars. I understand, sort of, the justification for doing this – most of the cabins on cruise ships are configured for two occupants, and the published trip prices are based on double occupancy. The surcharge is an attempt to make up the difference for a single occupant. Some of the companies do offer single travelers the opportunity to double up with another solo – and in some cases, if they do not find an appropriate room mate (I assume based on gender), you do not have to pay the surcharge. Sharing a small state room, and even smaller bathroom, with someone other than my spouse does not work for me. I cannot even imagine sharing a tiny cabin on the National Geographic/Lindblad ships with another guy, and even worse, a complete stranger. Too weird for me at least. (See note below on an exception to my rule).
I think the travel companies, especially the high-end ones like National Geographic/Lindblad, Ponant, Paul Gauguin, etc., figure that most solo travelers are willing to pay the surcharge, and the majority of solo travelers wind up booking with a close friend or family member. So why bother making special arrangements for a small population. From my limited experience to date, I have been the only single guy on all but one of the trips. There have been a number of widows on each trip, all of whom traveled with someone close (daughters, parents, friends). According to the article, that demographic seems to be changing, so maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised in the future to see an invoice without that extra charge. I’m not holding my breath for that.
I mentioned there was an exception to my rule of sharing quarters with a complete stranger. Next February I am scheduled on a Natural Habitat trip to photograph the huge brown bears on Kodiak Island. There are only 8 passengers on this trip, sharing cramped quarters on a converted fishing trawler. I’ll be sharing an extremely small space in a half a modified shipping container – bunk beds, a sink, and a shared bathroom for four. It’s more like camping on a boat. I can survive four nights of that…I hope. I’ll be worried enough about surviving the bears.
The Traveling Widower 