The Traveling Widower

Tag: cruise

  • Traveling Solo

    And the waitress is practicing politics
    As the businessmen slowly get stoned
    Yes, they’re sharing a drink they call loneliness
    But it’s better than drinkin’ alone

    Billy Joel, Piano Man

    I wrote an entry in my grief journal a couple of weeks ago, describing my experiences and thoughts on traveling alone.  I’ve been thinking about that since then and decided to expand a bit on the topic, and post it in the blog this time around. 

    I have recently read through a few other blogs about traveling solo, and for the most part, the authors are doing this as a life-style choice, not as the result of the loss of their spouse. These blogs are chock full of interesting travel stories, tips on places to go as a single – all happy stories about fulfilling dreams of traveling the world with the freedom of being unencumbered with jobs or relationships. Life is good – you can do what you want, go where you want, and make new friends if you want.  Freedom is the key word.

    Solo traveling for widowers is a different ballgame – it is not a choice, but more of a necessity for surviving a world turned upside down. Once you get through the initial shock of losing your spouse, you are faced with the enormous challenge of learning to live life as one, not as a couple. Travel beckons as an escape, a means of finding some direction in what has suddenly become an empty life. It is a poor substitute for a vibrant life filled with the joy of sharing new experiences with your partner, and for introverts like myself, it requires some significant personality changes. And then there is the dreaded “can I join you” moment at meals onboard a cruise ship. 

    AI created cartoon of bad dinner companions on a cruise
    Solo traveler nightmare –
    may I join you for dinner?

    But for me at least, I enjoy the new experiences and adventures, which fill some of that void. Do I feel a sense of freedom going it alone? No, not at all and doubt if I ever will. I’d prefer to have my soul mate with me. But sometimes, as I did this last trip to Alaska, I find moments of incredible peace and tranquility, sitting by myself and taking in the incredible beauty surrounding me. Those moments make it all worthwhile. 

    Glacier Bay, Alaska
    Glacier Bay, Alaska
    Sunset on glacier bay
    Glacier Bay, Alaska as sunset approaches

    On a related and more positive note, there was an article in the Washington Post today about travel companies finally starting to encourage solo travelers. It’s about time! With the exception of Road Scholars, most every travel/expedition company adds a single traveler “surcharge” or penalty which in most cases, can be many thousands of dollars.  I understand, sort of, the justification for doing this – most of the cabins on cruise ships are configured for two occupants, and the published trip prices are based on double occupancy. The surcharge is an attempt to make up the difference for a single occupant. Some of the companies do offer single travelers the opportunity to double up with another solo – and in some cases, if they do not find an appropriate room mate (I assume based on gender), you do not have to pay the surcharge. Sharing a small state room, and even smaller bathroom, with someone other than my spouse does not work for me. I cannot even imagine sharing a tiny cabin on the National Geographic/Lindblad ships with another guy, and even worse, a complete stranger. Too weird for me at least. (See note below on an exception to my rule). 

    I think the travel companies, especially the high-end ones like National Geographic/Lindblad, Ponant, Paul Gauguin, etc., figure that most solo travelers are willing to pay the surcharge, and the majority of solo travelers wind up booking with a close friend or family member. So why bother making special arrangements for a small population. From my limited experience to date, I have been the only single guy on all but one of the trips. There have been a number of widows on each trip, all of whom traveled with someone close (daughters, parents, friends). According to the article, that demographic seems to be changing, so maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised in the future to see an invoice without that extra charge. I’m not holding my breath for that. 

    I mentioned there was an exception to my rule of sharing quarters with a complete stranger. Next February I am scheduled on a Natural Habitat trip to photograph the huge brown bears on Kodiak Island. There are only 8 passengers on this trip, sharing cramped quarters on a converted fishing trawler. I’ll be sharing an extremely small space in a half a modified shipping container – bunk beds, a sink, and a shared bathroom for four. It’s more like camping on a boat. I can survive four nights of that…I hope. I’ll be worried enough about surviving the bears.

  • The Cavitation Cabin Blues

    The Cavitation Cabin Blues

    The first two days have been absolutely amazing in terms of the Alaskan landscape, the wildlife, and pretty much all aspects of the trip. It is strange being back on a National Geographic/Lindblad ship – this one is the sister ship for the one I was on in Baja, and there is a comfort factor in knowing where everything is. Plus, the expedition lead remembered me from the Baja trip, and the marine naturalist I know from my last whale watch trip in Moss Landing – he was the naturalist on the Blue Ocean ship. A very small world it is. 

    The first day we cruised around into the inner passage channels, headed for a spot where we would explore the coast in the Zodiacs. That worked out great, since we spotted Brown Bears – finally. I have not seen one since a horseback trip outside of Yellowstone, many years ago. And that was not a good experience. 

    After that, we headed off North towards Glacier Bay, quite a ways off. We had reports that we should be able to see the Northern Lights that night. Even though I was already tired (more on that in a bit), I headed out to viewing area on the bow  at 10:00 – it was cold and extremely windy, plus the ship was moving really fast. Looking off to the North, there was a glow of sorts over the mountains – not very exciting. For the dimmer Borealis displays, you need to take photographs to see the colors – I’m not sure why, but it worked. It was a real challenge trying to take photographs with a heavy wind and rocking boat, but I did get a few nice shots (which I’ll be working on with Photoshop).

    I played around with the camera for a while, and then suddenly, the sky lit up as huge cruise liner sailed past us – it was like having a giant Christmas tree cruise by. Hideous. Kind of ruined the experience.

    So here’s the rest of the story on being tired. My cabin is on the lowest deck, on the very rear of the ship (aft). I’ve been on this level on my first two NG expeditions, and while you do hear the engines, it is actually a very soothing sound. But as the ship picked up speed, the hum was drowned out by an extremely loud rattle and bang, sort of like a bunch of marbles in a can. This was neither soothing, or a replacement for Melatonin.  After a second night of this, I did bring this up to “hotel manager”, and spoke to the captain. Much like the Arachnid Suite in hotels, I have learned that you should never reserve the Cavitation Cabin on cruise ships. The rear-most steerage level cabins on the smaller ships happen to be right above the propellers. As the ship picks up speed, you get cavitation (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cavitation). There was not much the crew can do about the sound – the ship has to move and unlike nuclear submarines,  cavitation is common at high speed. But they did lend me a set of Bose sound cancelling headphone for the remainder of the trip. Maybe a discount on my next cruise would have been nice.  I’ll survive. I don’t sleep well at home either. 

    100 lb (not really) porthole covers – head crushers

    Day two was amazing, even with just 3 hours of sleep due to cavitation noise. I woke up early (due to cavitation…OK I’ll stop mentioning it), and peeked out the porthole (I had to lift the cover first…very heavy, easy to crush your head) to a view of chunks of ice floating by. Hmm….must be near a glacier. Sure enough, by the time I got out to the front deck, we were already pulled up in front of the John Hopkins glacier. Wow. I’ve seen a few glaciers before, but this was incredible.

    The plan for the day was to cruise through Glacier Bay (another National Park off the list, woo hoo!), mostly looking for wildlife or anything else of interest to view from the ship. No stops or off-ship excursions. That was fine by me. The scenery was incredible and there were all kinds of beasties to see. I was exhausted after a few hours from wandering around the decks to get different views of the surroundings, or heading back to the cabin for different lenses. I eventually moved my camera bag up to the lounge to give my knee a break from climbing stairs. Here’s a few shots (many more to come once I get home)

    I have never seen anything like this area – the water was like a still pond, perfectly flat, surrounded by snow covered peaks. There were otters, sea lions, and a variety of birds all over the place as we cruised by. Plus, the scenery was beyond belief. We did hit a fog bank for a while, which was a good excuse for taking a break, and offloading some photos to my SSD storage. That and getting some food into my system (lunch). 

    I spent the rest of the afternoon watching the world go by, standing around with 20 or 30 other photographers and bird/scenery watchers as we cruised Glacier Bay. Incredible scenery. Every few minutes, a sea otter or some other interesting bird (Puffins!!) would float by, and the scenery just go better and better as we cruised along. After a while, you just sort of sat there, put the camera down, and just let it all soak in, and just relax for a change. What an incredible experience.

    But traveling alone still sucks

    As I’ve said before, I may occasionally mix some of my widower related experiences and thoughts in the travel posts – I can’t help avoid leakage from the journal I created a few weeks ago. So here goes.

    I absolutely love going on the National Geographic/Lindblad expeditions – they are so incredibly well run, and they offer incredible opportunities for photography and outdoor activities. The cruises are fantastic since they are true expeditions, but with all the high-end features you’d get from the more traditional luxury cruise outfits. Great food, outstanding service, comfortable accommodations, but with a focus on adventure.

    But, the vast majority of the travelers are couples. While everyone is like-minded in terms of their interests, I am still absolutely terrified at having to socialize with 90 or so complete strangers, especially at meals where I need to ask a group if I can join with them. It is still so far out of my comfort zone. For some reason, probably because of the lingering depression from our 50th anniversary a few weeks ago, I initially gave into my introverted self for the first day or two. It is just so hard meeting couples my own age, while I’m off on my own without Jan. Sometime you just feel like a leper, even though most everyone is incredibly understanding.

    Fortunately, I was able to pull out of my funk, and have begun to socialize with a number of couples so I’m not eating by myself. I’ll be OK for the rest of the trip. I’m guessing every trip will be like this – I’ll always feel strange traveling without Jan. 

    End of sad moment…back to enjoying the trip. Much more to come, especially once I figure out how to work with all the raw images on the iPad.